I have always struggled with many insecurities; at first, they were the insecurities of any adolescent; but time passed by without me realizing those insecurities grew with me up to a point they created in me a constant search for approval and a frustrating non-conformity. In addition to this, I had to fight the pressure that society puts on us due to the suffocating influence of television, the Internet, and other mass media on what it means for society to be beautiful, successful, the ideal girl, etc.
As I grew older, my insecurities created an introverted personality that people often misunderstood as if I was being unfriendly. My self-esteem was nonexistent up to the point that, on many occasions, I preferred to pass unnoticed. This situation led me to accept negative words, bad nicknames, and negative criticism from others without questioning what they said. I just laughed as if it didn't hurt my feelings. Sometimes, I even believed that the way others saw me was who I was.
Because I believed all those lies that the enemy told about me through others, I had problems adapting in many areas, especially in my professional life. More than nineteen years ago, I had an experience that fueled my insecurities and fears. It was not until more than ten years ago that, thanks to a great boss, I was able to begin a healing process that was liberating. It led me to forgive those who hurt me and made me realize how much control my insecurities and weaknesses had over my life.
One day, while I was studying 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10, But he said to me, my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness; I finally understood that I needed to cast my weaknesses unto Jesus and let Him do the work. Jesus' words made me realize that my weaknesses are not obstacles. My weaknesses are stepping stones I have to overcome to reach God's blessings. I also learned that He got my back; His power is mightier than any flaw I may have. He gets glorified in my weaknesses because, in my strength, I cannot do it, but with Him, everything becomes possible. I was constantly looking for approval from others because all the lies in my mind made me believe that I was a total failure, that I was not beautiful enough, smart enough, successful enough, Christian enough, or talented enough, among other things. I just saw my weaknesses instead of my best qualities. These lies are the ones that do not allow us to see that God is always greater than any weakness we could have.
It has not been easy to break the pattern, but God has been doing his restoration in me. Some areas still need work, but I know God is in control. Nowadays, my battle is mostly with my physique since I have gained a lot of weight lately due to health problems. But you know what? This time is different; it does not have the same effect on me as before because I am not doing my battle alone. Now I am in good company; I know now that God is by my side and is more powerful than any circumstance. Every time my insecurities try to take control, I know it is time to refocus and run to the fountain of love that is God. In His presence, every burden becomes light, and every lie gets revealed.
The key to dealing with my insecurities has been learning to love myself as I am, with my flaws and weaknesses. Over the past few years, I have learned to value myself; to see myself as God sees me and not as the world sees me. I have learned to know who I am and not try to seek acceptance from people or recognition from others. I am learning to focus on only seeking approval from my Heavenly Father. It has not been easy because the enemy is constantly bombarding us with lies but with God, everything is possible; every time those thoughts of insecurity come to my mind, I remind myself of who I am in Christ: I am more than a winner, I am the apple of the eye of God, I am blessed, I am a virtuous woman, I am a suitable helper, I am a warrior, a fighter, I am beautiful, I am a chosen lineage, I am a holy nation, I am a royal priesthood, I am the bride, redeemed, I am the one who has the power to stepping on the snake's head, I am the wise woman who builds my house, I am the daughter of God, and as such I have a great inheritance.
I have learned that since the enemy knows my potential, it is why he tries to shut me up with all His lies. And for many years, he succeeded, but no more; I have decided to speak. To tell my story, my testimony. I have decided to use the talent God gave me, which is to write and use it for His Glory. Every time I've experienced situations that I did not understand, later in the way, they've served as testimony to help others. This blessing of using my testimony to bless others encourages me to continue sharing my experiences and testimony without shame or worry. The enemy only wants to stop your purpose by making you think that you are not qualified, that you are not worth it, that you are not competent enough, Christian enough, and that brings shame and fear into your life, that limits you and puts you in a passive zone of frustration and conformism. Do not allow lies to steal your inheritance and your blessings. Start looking at yourself as God sees you.
I still have a lot to learn, but I know it will be easier with God by my side. Now I know that our worth does not depend on what others think of us or the value that the world places on us. Our value comes from our Heavenly Father because we did not choose Him, but He chose us. And He empowers everyone He calls. So even though we are not fit in the eyes of the world, in the eyes of our Heavenly Father, we are complete and perfect.