You Can’t Give What You Don’t Have: Loving Yourself to Love Others

We know the following Bible verse from Mark 12:31 by memory, and we have studied it more times than we can remember: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these,” and when we hear it, we focus on the part that says love your neighbor, and we overlook the crucial phrase, as yourself. What does it mean to love your neighbor as yourself? It means that before we can truly love others, we must first know how to love ourselves. We cannot give what we do not have. We must love ourselves first and let God fill us with His love. We cannot pour out love if our own hearts are empty or full of self-criticism.

Unfortunately, we are often our harshest critics. We judge ourselves, discard our worth, and forget that God sees us differently. For example, someone once asked me to take a leading position, but I was so afraid and full of doubt about my own abilities that I thought I didn’t deserve it. I was so insecure that I started telling myself I wasn’t good enough. That was a huge mistake, but thanks to God, who sent someone to ease my fears and let me know that it wasn’t about me, it was about serving God. I would have lost an important opportunity to grow and bless others if I succumbed to my fear and insecurities. Part of loving ourselves is being willing to change our perspective, overcome our insecurities, and love ourselves the way God loves us. He loves us more than anyone will love us, and He sees us without flaws, perfected; He sees our potential and what we will become. He sees us perfected, and when we see ourselves as God sees us, we start to overcome our fears and insecurities.  How does God see us? He sees us as:

1.   A new creation – “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone, the new has come.” 2 Cor. 5:17. When we accepted Christ as our Lord and Savior, He transformed us. He made us new, taking away our sinful character and shaping us into His own character.

2.   Righteous and holy – “And to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” Ephesians 4:24. He sees us blameless and perfected. He sees beyond our flaws and insecurities.

3.   A light in the world – “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.” Matthew 5:14. He sees us as the light of this world, and we must share our light with others.

4.   The salt of the earth – “You are the salt of the earth.” Matthew 5:13. He knows what we can do and who we will become.

5.   Victorious through Christ – “But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Corinthians 15:57. With Him, the impossible becomes possible.

6.   God’s co-heir – “Now if we are children, then we are heirs, heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ.” Romans 8:17. He made us his children when we acknowledged Jesus as our savior. 

7.   Created for good works – “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10. He created us with purpose.

8.   A holy nation, God’s special possession – “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9. He equipped us with the best tools, and within us is His Holy Spirit.

Even more, God loved us first and chose us. He is faithful, and He calls us to live faithfully, too. When we keep these truths in mind, we can start to replace self-doubt with self-love, criticism with compassion, and emptiness with God’s fullness. Whenever our insecurities or self-doubt are louder than what God thinks of us, we should take a step back, give ourselves some grace, revisit these verses, and fill ourselves with God’s love. Remember, we cannot pour out what we do not possess, but God has already filled us. He wants us to share His love, but to do so, we must start by forgiving and loving ourselves first.